I have come to the realization that my life has fundamentally changed. I am not the same person I was just 6 months ago physically and mentally. Remaining in denial about that has been a bit of a protected place to be, but I need to move out of the space and figure out how I reinvent my life. We all do it is small ways and some in much larger ways - hey take Madonna, the material girl knows how to transform her life, right ? So how do you start all over? I would love thoughts and suggestions as I begin to venture down this path.
I know for starters I need a new hobby - something to do more than I am right now. I was so accustom to all the physical things I use to do - the boot camp exercise class, pilates, riding none of which I can do now if ever. I kept so busy with my active pursuits that not having them has made life seem so slow in some respects. I am contemplating exploring photography and am beginning to look at cameras with that in mind. Maybe I will take a class on photography to help explore that more.
There are a few things I know I am not going to be doing knitting being one of them:). I just am not that crafty or artistic to do painting or some pursuit such as that. It took years for me to find horses and the passion I have for them just grew and grew. The excitement of spending my time at the barn, riding or getting ready for a show is just too hard to put in to word. There are few things in life that can really get you jazzed so when you find it you know that you don't want to do anything else but that.
There is a horse show this weekend in Walla Walla which is one of my favorite places to go to a show. It is usually warm this time of year and I have always like the arena and grounds as well as the city. Driving over is long, but taking time for a little wine tasting always breaks up the trip. A stop off in Prosser one year allowed the hubby and me to find "Johns Port" which to this day is one of the more amazing ports I have ever tasted - Yakima Valley Vineyards. As I think of Walla Walla and the show this weekend I wish all my fellow paint horse riders best wishes for a great show and I sit here thinking of you all and wish I were there too.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wow, it has been a while......
Yes, I have been MIA for about a month now. I guess sometimes you just need to feel it to want to blog on a regular basis and I have not really been feeling it lately. I am, if nothing, truly honest. I saw a dear friend this week for dinner and she said, don't stop so here's to Lulu - I am blogging again honey since you are keeping me honest.
Loved Arizona last month and am still lamenting that our weather here in dear WA just cannot seem to get it's collective act together. I felt so darn good in Arizona that I truey believed that this accident never happened. My back incision (yup I will get graphic) healed finally while I was down there. By body did not hurt, not one part of it, and I got to sit in the sun and swim everyday. I cannot swim like I did before, but hey doing the breast stroke and just letting the zero gravity feel of the water take effect was wonderful.
We looked at a bunch of houses and we determined quickly which neighborhoods we liked and which one's we did not. We made one offer, but it turned out we just missed out being first on that one so we are second in line on that short sale. I am learning tons about the whole Arizona real estate situation. We made another offer on a short sale last week and our offer was accepted. Now, don't get excited here because all that means is that we sit and wait for the owner to be approved to short sale their house and as our realtor says that could be weeks or months. Keep looking she said! So, do we have a house or "not?" I would say not, but "maybe" is the true answer. So we keep looking. Both are nice houses and would totally work!
It is so odd to not be riding these days. I got a beautiful plate in the mail from APHA to celebrate finishing 4th in Zone One for my division about two weeks ago. It was a total surprise and I rearranged the office to make a space for the many winnings from last year. It makes me happy to think about the year and to remember the fun and excitement that I so enjoyed. Wish I was still there doing it, work and all. Boy do I miss it all......
Loved Arizona last month and am still lamenting that our weather here in dear WA just cannot seem to get it's collective act together. I felt so darn good in Arizona that I truey believed that this accident never happened. My back incision (yup I will get graphic) healed finally while I was down there. By body did not hurt, not one part of it, and I got to sit in the sun and swim everyday. I cannot swim like I did before, but hey doing the breast stroke and just letting the zero gravity feel of the water take effect was wonderful.
We looked at a bunch of houses and we determined quickly which neighborhoods we liked and which one's we did not. We made one offer, but it turned out we just missed out being first on that one so we are second in line on that short sale. I am learning tons about the whole Arizona real estate situation. We made another offer on a short sale last week and our offer was accepted. Now, don't get excited here because all that means is that we sit and wait for the owner to be approved to short sale their house and as our realtor says that could be weeks or months. Keep looking she said! So, do we have a house or "not?" I would say not, but "maybe" is the true answer. So we keep looking. Both are nice houses and would totally work!
It is so odd to not be riding these days. I got a beautiful plate in the mail from APHA to celebrate finishing 4th in Zone One for my division about two weeks ago. It was a total surprise and I rearranged the office to make a space for the many winnings from last year. It makes me happy to think about the year and to remember the fun and excitement that I so enjoyed. Wish I was still there doing it, work and all. Boy do I miss it all......
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Now I have More Time
Not doing the horse hobby had afforded me a couple of things - more time and money. Yes, I notice my check book is much nicer every month and most weekends I have plenty of time to do what ever. Not sure the hubby appreciates me in his space, but he is being a good sport and I try not to ask for the remote when he is watching his favorite weekend shows. Sunday morning is especially sacred, not because he is heading to church mind you, but because of the political, wonky shows he loves watching - Meet the Press anyone?
I miss my hobby and yet I have felt so not up to it that I have not even been able to make it to the local shows to watch. Being off the pain meds you notice ever twinge and the foot swells and hurts every time I walk on it too much. By the end of the week I need at least one day to recover. I use to go none stop and now I just feel beat.
Next Sunday we are heading to Arizona to look at houses. Yup, we are going to buy a retirement home with the prices being so dang great there we just can't pass it up. With all the rain here I think retirement is going to come sooner verses later. I love the desert, and its stark., but unique beauty. I want a yard that is low maintenance and cactus seem so stately and there are so many different kinds. People ask me, but won't you miss the green of Washington? No! I really won't, I will happily trade the over 170 days of rain so far for blue sky's and sun, even if it is 110. No, problem cause I will go swim in my pool.
Having this diversion right now is good because as I wait out the recovery process with all of the twists and turns it takes having something else to focus on has kept me sane. Besides you can ride horses year around in Arizona, right :).
I miss my hobby and yet I have felt so not up to it that I have not even been able to make it to the local shows to watch. Being off the pain meds you notice ever twinge and the foot swells and hurts every time I walk on it too much. By the end of the week I need at least one day to recover. I use to go none stop and now I just feel beat.
Next Sunday we are heading to Arizona to look at houses. Yup, we are going to buy a retirement home with the prices being so dang great there we just can't pass it up. With all the rain here I think retirement is going to come sooner verses later. I love the desert, and its stark., but unique beauty. I want a yard that is low maintenance and cactus seem so stately and there are so many different kinds. People ask me, but won't you miss the green of Washington? No! I really won't, I will happily trade the over 170 days of rain so far for blue sky's and sun, even if it is 110. No, problem cause I will go swim in my pool.
Having this diversion right now is good because as I wait out the recovery process with all of the twists and turns it takes having something else to focus on has kept me sane. Besides you can ride horses year around in Arizona, right :).
Friday, May 6, 2011
Horses Continued.....
Recently I have needed to take a break from the horse aspect of my life for a variety of reasons, need I say more. It has been hard now that my recovery progress has slowed to a halt and I continue to have various issues that I have to work through I have not wanted to think much about the horse hobby and at times wonder will I ever think of it the same?
Horses are big, animals who at times are not predictable. Yup, I said it, but that being said there are many who are the antithesis of that very statement. I have known them and do still know those that are as gentle as puppy dogs and would not hurt a fly. There are non-horse friends who have said that a horse that hurts someone should be put on a registry some place so that what happened to you does not happen to anyone else. I have tired to help them understand the very nature of the horse industry is such that it does not support that. This, they find incredible, and then I step back and have to say maybe they are right.
In an industry so small why is it that we are not better prepared to take care of each other and not allow bad things to happen to each other? Why don't we have a way to make sure that others don't get hurt by those horses that are truly dangerous and unpredictable? Is it because we impart upon these animals characteristics that are more human than animal? Do we put emotion into owning them that unrealistically supports something that should never be allowed in the first place? Is it the money? Yes, this is part of it as there is (was) a great deal of money tied up in the horse industry. Of course who wants to put a horse down or out to pasture when they have allocated years of training and resources to them? All very valid questions I am sure.
As I live each week day by day I think about who I was and who I will never be again and wonder if with some care and compassion towards mankind I would be in a different place and able to live my life free of pain, active, and as I had been before January 29th, 2011? I will never know the answer to that, but I can only move forward with my journey and help others with theirs.
Horses are big, animals who at times are not predictable. Yup, I said it, but that being said there are many who are the antithesis of that very statement. I have known them and do still know those that are as gentle as puppy dogs and would not hurt a fly. There are non-horse friends who have said that a horse that hurts someone should be put on a registry some place so that what happened to you does not happen to anyone else. I have tired to help them understand the very nature of the horse industry is such that it does not support that. This, they find incredible, and then I step back and have to say maybe they are right.
In an industry so small why is it that we are not better prepared to take care of each other and not allow bad things to happen to each other? Why don't we have a way to make sure that others don't get hurt by those horses that are truly dangerous and unpredictable? Is it because we impart upon these animals characteristics that are more human than animal? Do we put emotion into owning them that unrealistically supports something that should never be allowed in the first place? Is it the money? Yes, this is part of it as there is (was) a great deal of money tied up in the horse industry. Of course who wants to put a horse down or out to pasture when they have allocated years of training and resources to them? All very valid questions I am sure.
As I live each week day by day I think about who I was and who I will never be again and wonder if with some care and compassion towards mankind I would be in a different place and able to live my life free of pain, active, and as I had been before January 29th, 2011? I will never know the answer to that, but I can only move forward with my journey and help others with theirs.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Now The Foot.....
You would think no news is good news because it has been a while since the last post, but no I just have not had anything productive to contribute so I have not felt like writing. Healing is a process and as I have gone along there continues to be one thing nagging and it is that darn right foot. Yes, I still feel like I walk like a wheeble wabble, and I can't find shoes that will work, my arches are falling, and I feel way older than anyone should at my age, but that darn foot just won't get better.
It bothered me in the hospital from day one. It was bruised and swollen and looked like it had been sprained. They xrayed when I was in Harborview and nothing, but it has never been quite right. I think I wrenched it in the fall. Maybe it got hung up in the stirrup which I cannot really remember because everything happened so fast. My current rehab doctor thinks I may have torn a ligament and that is why it keeps causing the foot to swell as I use it more.
Next week I am getting a MRI and have been referred to a Ortho doctor who specializes in sports injuries. It sounded really cool and then I realized that is what I have. It was a dramatic sports injury and boy it could have been way worse, but yes I guess I do fit into that category. So off I will go to yet another doctors appointment in hopes that they will solve the problems or at least give me some hope.
So most days now my foot swells up. It is very painful and I can't sleep. So as I lay awake for yet another night I try all the tricks, reading, TV, etc... and then I give in and take a pain pill which knocks me out. In some cases I can take the pain pill and it does nothing and then I wrap the foot with my "Back on Track" polo wraps and it usually feels great almost immediately. Their products are wonderful and not just for horses I tell you. Check out the website for great horsey and human products.
http://www.backontrackproducts.com/?gclid=CNHYr76uxKgCFRRigwodGGhWow
It bothered me in the hospital from day one. It was bruised and swollen and looked like it had been sprained. They xrayed when I was in Harborview and nothing, but it has never been quite right. I think I wrenched it in the fall. Maybe it got hung up in the stirrup which I cannot really remember because everything happened so fast. My current rehab doctor thinks I may have torn a ligament and that is why it keeps causing the foot to swell as I use it more.
Next week I am getting a MRI and have been referred to a Ortho doctor who specializes in sports injuries. It sounded really cool and then I realized that is what I have. It was a dramatic sports injury and boy it could have been way worse, but yes I guess I do fit into that category. So off I will go to yet another doctors appointment in hopes that they will solve the problems or at least give me some hope.
So most days now my foot swells up. It is very painful and I can't sleep. So as I lay awake for yet another night I try all the tricks, reading, TV, etc... and then I give in and take a pain pill which knocks me out. In some cases I can take the pain pill and it does nothing and then I wrap the foot with my "Back on Track" polo wraps and it usually feels great almost immediately. Their products are wonderful and not just for horses I tell you. Check out the website for great horsey and human products.
http://www.backontrackproducts.com/?gclid=CNHYr76uxKgCFRRigwodGGhWow
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Back to Mercy Grace and Progress
Ok, so now I see doctors and health care professional more than I see my husband. No, really, between my physical therapist and my Docs at Harborview and the Spine Clinic I seem to have multiple appointments ever month. Now I know what it is like to have a "chronic" condition.
I have been back at work for four weeks and the feet are really feeling it. Those darn concrete floors are causing my right ankle to swell again. We have had to up the nerve medicine due to increased nerve pain. I guess I can say that work is really a pain in my foot! When I work from home it is not so bad and at least then I can avoid more pain meds. It is a never ending battle. The feet, well I am afraid this is my injury legacy.
Return visit to the spine clinic and once again we get more xrays to look at the hardware. My doc is another "McDreamy, " OMG I thought I was dreaming and really on Grey's Anatomy this time. I am so glad I had a brand new pedicure as he was manipulating my bad right foot this way and that. Yes, it is very shallow of me, but heck it is my story right!
The back is improving and the hardware has not moved. Gotta wear the brace for a little longer when out in public and at work, but everyone was very happy. The good news is no back pain even when they had me bend over and then arch backwards to take the xrays. Yup, I felt like a pretzel, but was amazed there was no pain. It did feel strange and a little stiff, but it was progress.
Today I took my first shower in 11 weeks without the brace - It was Amazing! I had this goofy grin on my face the whole time and will never forget what this part of the recovery has been like. I have endured having to be confined in this brace all waking hours, had to wear it day in and day out . I had to put my clothes on and off all while rolling around on my bed each day before I put the brace on. Yes, I did this for 11 weeks. I hated every moment of it, but in a odd sort of way the brace has become like a safety net and it will be strange to be rid of it all together.
Next week I start more intensive core work to ensure that I am ready to be out in public without the brace. I love my PT "J" who is also a horse person. She is really great at what she does and has been very careful and mindful of my therapy. She has taught me how to walk all over again so that I won't put stress on my spine and the hardware. She is sure I will ride again and that has been so nice to have someone who understands my dreams.
I have been back at work for four weeks and the feet are really feeling it. Those darn concrete floors are causing my right ankle to swell again. We have had to up the nerve medicine due to increased nerve pain. I guess I can say that work is really a pain in my foot! When I work from home it is not so bad and at least then I can avoid more pain meds. It is a never ending battle. The feet, well I am afraid this is my injury legacy.
Return visit to the spine clinic and once again we get more xrays to look at the hardware. My doc is another "McDreamy, " OMG I thought I was dreaming and really on Grey's Anatomy this time. I am so glad I had a brand new pedicure as he was manipulating my bad right foot this way and that. Yes, it is very shallow of me, but heck it is my story right!
The back is improving and the hardware has not moved. Gotta wear the brace for a little longer when out in public and at work, but everyone was very happy. The good news is no back pain even when they had me bend over and then arch backwards to take the xrays. Yup, I felt like a pretzel, but was amazed there was no pain. It did feel strange and a little stiff, but it was progress.
Today I took my first shower in 11 weeks without the brace - It was Amazing! I had this goofy grin on my face the whole time and will never forget what this part of the recovery has been like. I have endured having to be confined in this brace all waking hours, had to wear it day in and day out . I had to put my clothes on and off all while rolling around on my bed each day before I put the brace on. Yes, I did this for 11 weeks. I hated every moment of it, but in a odd sort of way the brace has become like a safety net and it will be strange to be rid of it all together.
Next week I start more intensive core work to ensure that I am ready to be out in public without the brace. I love my PT "J" who is also a horse person. She is really great at what she does and has been very careful and mindful of my therapy. She has taught me how to walk all over again so that I won't put stress on my spine and the hardware. She is sure I will ride again and that has been so nice to have someone who understands my dreams.
Don't Give Up Your Spirit
We all let it happen at times. A little at a time it creeps up on us and before we know it we have allowed something or maybe someone to erode how we are. It may not happen quickly at first, maybe it is slow and subtle, and before you know it you have let a part of you to be impacted. Maybe you realize that the shine has been worn off or things just don't seem to get you as jazzed up as they use to and before long you feel your spirit being taken away, bit by bit.
You can keep it from happening, you do control how you act and react, but yes, it can be hard to not let it happen. Whether it is just with time, due to life or because of something major that happens in your life you can control letting it happen to you. Giving in to letting things erode our spirit for life is totally within our control.
Change your view or your venue and make those few little changes that can make a difference. Phone a friend, plan a trip, evaluate your goals and plans or just read a really good book. What ever it is make those necessary changes and adjustments to keep your spirit alive and moving you forward everyday.
Lesson number 9: "It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living." Oliver Wendell Holmes
You can keep it from happening, you do control how you act and react, but yes, it can be hard to not let it happen. Whether it is just with time, due to life or because of something major that happens in your life you can control letting it happen to you. Giving in to letting things erode our spirit for life is totally within our control.
Change your view or your venue and make those few little changes that can make a difference. Phone a friend, plan a trip, evaluate your goals and plans or just read a really good book. What ever it is make those necessary changes and adjustments to keep your spirit alive and moving you forward everyday.
Lesson number 9: "It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living." Oliver Wendell Holmes
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