Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sleep, Elusive Sleep...........

OK, how long will the foot pain go on I keep asking myself each night?  I hate to grumble here but as I say to people when they ask, "How are you doing?"  "There are Good Days and Bad Days."  I have been having a string of not so good days and it is really not too much fun.

My right foot is not tolerating "Work."  Yes, you ask how is that?  Well, it is because the floors at the office building I work in are too hard!  Yup, carpet with very little pad over concrete is not working out so well for me and my foot.  I worked from home yesterday and what a difference, but then what do I go and do?  I forget to take the nerve medicine before going to bed, so here I am at 3:00 am going why is my darn foot still hurting me?  Duh! 

I guess I have been able to test if I can wean myself off the nerve medicine and the answer is not yet.  Being less than full functioning along with not feeling great for so long can be wearing.  I feel for anyone with a chronic condition as I have a sense of what my issues may be like longer term.  I feel like the right foot is going to be my continued nemesis.  It has gotten better, but it will not ever be right 100% again.  That makes me sad.  I have to continue to remind myself of my good fortune in this situation or you can tend to  dwell on the little things.  Like that darn right foot.  Wasn't that a movie?  Something like that right?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Progress...........

Everyday is a new journey as I progress in this new life.   I am happy still to be alive and walking, but I want this dog gone brace off in the worst way possible!  I really hate it in a way that I have never, ever hated anything.  I will survive, but boy this has been a challenge.  Last weekend I attended a horse show which traditionally has been the kick off to the show season.  Yes, it would have been my first show on Casey had we been able to ride.  Was it tough?  Well, it was different since we have known for a long time I would not ride this year, but being able to ride again in general has been in question so a show is really inconsequential.

I saw my rehab doctors a little over a week ago and asked to have them consider returning me to work. For those of you who know me my job in Human Resources can be done for the most part via phone and computer as well as conference call.  Just prior to my injury I started a new job which would require more travel throughout the state of WA, and I acquired a new team.  So, of course I had to have an accident to test how they could handle all of this and more.  What I can say is my team passed with flying colors.  What an incredible team of women who pulled together, supported each other and along with my boss who filled in while I was out made it all work.  You all ROCK! 

Yes, despite the intense negotiations with my two rehab Docs and my hubby who all thought I should be off of work longer I went back this week to work full time.  I have taken it easy and am glad for the mental stimulation and human interaction.  I was very tired by today, but I am glad I insisted that this would work out.  My body is willing and physically I am feeling OK.  I will pace myself and make sure that I don't over do it.  Glad for the weekend for a little rest and relaxation.  All is going well and we are on the count down for the brace to come off on tax day.  Mark your calendar!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stormy - "Justa Swangin" - Rest In Peace

When ever a beloved pet passes away I feel like they deserve a memorial service of some kind.  So, this is my tribute to Stormy or "Justa Swangin" which was her registered name with APHA and Pinto.  I was Stormy's owner for a fairly short time, but as with any animal I have had the privilege of sharing part of my life with she has left an imprint on my heart.  I became Stormy's owner during a time when by all rights I should not have been buying a horse.  Yup, I tend to do that, but hey at least I am honest.  

I was in the midst of still trying to determine if Stormy's half brother would be my "All Around Horse" and since Irish was taking a long time to grow up and mature I decided to find a more finished show horse that I could  show.  Why was it a bad time?  Well, lets see, I had started a new job which had me traveling from Pierce to Snohomish county for work each day.  It was over a 100 mile commute round trip  in the worst  traffic Seattle had to offer every day.  We really wanted to move, but this was in early 2007, and the housing bubble was beginning to soften.  We put our house on the market and in the prior 6 months a house like ours would have been snatched up, but we sat and waited and waited and waited for a buyer. 

I kept commuting  for over 6 months and I really needed to have my horse out let.  I will be the first to tell you that horses keep me sane.  They are my diversion, my passion, and the one thing will keep me doing a job that at times people think I am crazy to do.  Yes, I have even told the boss, if I don't do horses then this job can go.  Fairly embolden, but hey I am honest, and since I keep the horse hobby he knows he is good.   We closed on the horse and the house in the same week.  I did the vet check and all seemed good,  and off she went to the trainers.

Our first year of showing was a year of learning for me.  Stormy had more buttons than most sports cars and knew her job.  She was shown extensively by her previous owners and had made her way to WA from CA.  She was a seasoned show horse.  We began to notice that she seemed to have some hoof tenderness during the show season.  Not uncommon for a long time show horse so I was not concerned.   We did pretty well and and I was happy and decided to move her a little closer to home.  My former trainer "M" had kept her feet in good shape so any tenderness was minor and I did not let it bother me. 

The next show season at a new barn proved more challenging and Stormy never seemed to get in the groove.  She was off more than she was on and her feet were clearly bothering her.  The vet x-rayed her and prescribed various prescriptions without much success.  I was able to show her, but it was hit or miss.  Something was clearly wrong.  By the end of the season I took her to be evaluated by a well known farrier who had success with horses with problem feet. 

She stayed at the facility for over 6 months and had ups and downs, but when "M" the Farrier was less than optimistic for her continued improvement I knew a tough decision would need to be made.  I asked his opinion and he candidly told me what the options were.  I was heart sick and it would take me 8 more months of trying and her not getting better to get me to make a decision.

I moved her back to a place she knew as home when her former owner, "S" generously offered to take her in and take care of her for me.  I did not have many alternatives for a horse who was lame and I knew it was a matter of time when keeping her comfortable would no longer be an option.  I had already made my peace with it when the time came.  I made the arrangements with "S's" assistance and asked to not know the exact date.  I would dwell on it and it would be better to not know when it would be. 

"S" said it was Sunny out last Friday and that Stormy got brushed real good which she loved.  Ironically, I went to watch the first horse show of the season  that day and watched my horse friends show their horses at the same fair grounds where I had my first horse show experience as a rider on Stormy in 2008.   I was well distracted that day.  She was a good girl going to the vet and they would have given her a sedative which horses are accustom to so she would not have been scared.  Good bye Stormy, I will see you again one day......

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Shoes - A Whole New World Awaits

Since progressing with my rehab I have found that the balance issues need to be addressed through better arch supports and the right shoes.  I discovered, very close to home, a great store that sells shoes for those of us who have "feet issues."  Yes, it is one of those stores that I would have never set foot in before my accident (sorry I couldn't help that), but now I am so happy they exist.  They have a very nice selection of shoes with great arch support and that in some cases (not all) can be stylish in their own way. 

I have discovered that I  love "Danskos!  I have always been a fan of clogs so they were not a stretch for me, but they really have a great support that I now need for my arch, particularly on my right foot, which as I said probably will never be totally right again.  I sure wish the hubby had found this store when he went on his wild adventure trying to find me some shoes while I was starting rehab.  I am sure he would have balked at the price tag, but hey at least my first few venture walking in rehab would have been less painful.  Recall the nice black pair of shoes he thought were going to work for me??

So now I have to look at what I wear on my feet a little differently.  The hubby calls me "Imelda" which for those of you who don't recall was the former first lady of the Philippines who had a stagger number of shoes.  Well, I certainly don't have the number that she has, but I am one of those people who thinks each outfit deserves matching shoes, and I do have a closet full of shoes, well actually two.....  So what do I do now?  Now I have to make sure that my removable arch supports go in the shoes I intend to wear if they are not good shoes with arch supports.  So, some of my shoes will work with my new situation, but many will not.  Sounds like a shoe buying opportunity to a certain degree?? 

The problem with these new "special shoes" is they are not cheap!  They are all over $100 easy and that will certainly make me pause in picking up a couple of  pairs to match  my outfits.  So, I guess I may become someone who has a limited shoe collection.  I know right now I cannot wear heels, but I love variety  in my shoes so I am feeling a little restricted with the thought of limiting my shoe options.  I have not even started to think about my boots, yikes, at least I think they all should be good with the arch inserts.  Oh, did I mention that the removable inserts are $30 for a pair.  Sounds like the price of shoes, or I should say the former price of shoes I would buy.  

Just another one of the adjustments I have finding I have to make in my new world.  May seem trivial, but just think about how important walking is and you will realize that these are the types of things that can be very important for my progress in rehab.  I guess the hubby will get to stop calling me "Imelda."

Friday, March 18, 2011

On Being Less Abled Continued.....

As my recovery continues I have become acutely aware of the challenges that I have in being less abled.  I am beginning to do more each day and with that comes more time ventured out in the "community."  For starters many "able bodied people" are not even aware of those of us who are "less abled" and they breeze right by without thinking about a heavy door slamming in my face or that I may not have enough balance to side step you and your busy little children who are running around.  I am slow, yup, much slower at everything than I was before and that does not seem to fit in our go, go and do more society of people who are wired in and always moving.  I hate that I am slow and not the same as I was before, but I have tons of empathy now with everyone else who may be slow  and less abled for what ever reason. 

Being out in the community presents many challenges.  Because I have a disabled parking permit the parking issue has for the most part not been so bad.  However, I did not know there were so many people who have these parking permits and many times all of the spots are taken.  What issues this presents is I then have to park in a spot that makes it terribly hard to get out of and into may car.  I am not suppose to twist and with the compact parking spots that I may be left to navigate try using good techniques to get into or out of one car.  Virtually impossible.  OK, negative shout out to all public establishments who are not meeting Americans with Disabilities Act  (ADA) code for parking or access - You are rude and should not be in business if you cannot have the decency to have the legally required number of accessible parking spots, not to mention an accessible restroom. Yup, there is one "Mexican" restaurant in Monroe, WA that is going to get turned in by yours truly on Monday for their lack of access.  Don't mess with a disabled lady who knows as much as most attorneys on this subject.  Not smart.

Being out in the community gives me a chance to drop things in public and not just at home.  I cannot bend over and pick up anything right now so boy do I have to be careful.  I dropped some mail when getting it out of the mail box and I had to get real creative with the cane to get it up and into my car or I was going to have to go back to the house and get my grabber device.  I have dropped items at stores and find that there is usually someone who will help if you explain the situation.  Not great, but it works.  For a very independent person like me none of this feels good, but I am sure I am learning tons from this experience or why would I be living through it right?  I do live in fear of dropping my car keys and being unable to get to them.  I am very, very careful with this as I have that thought running around in my head now that I get to drive again.

The good news is that there are many people like me out in the world, some have had accidents or may have a chronic medical condition, many can recall a different time when life was not so hard.  No, we do not all feel sorry for ourselves, yes we do find the best way to get through each day and yes, sometimes we drop things that we can't pick up.

Lesson Number 8 - At least once each week take the time to help someone without being asked to do so.  You will be paying it forward with your thoughtful and generous spirit.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Horses Continued.....

"No ride is ever the last one. No horse is ever the last one you will have. Somehow there will always be other horses, other places to ride them."

Boy does that say it.  If you have it in your blood you won't little an accident, spinal cord injury, or a foot that does not seem to cooperate get in the way of your dreams.  The prospect of not riding again was never a consideration for me.

The Dream Horse Continued - Wizard was amazing for me.  He developed my confidence and took total care of me.  We trail road all over Piece County, WA and then took off to other great spots.  We camped, we did it all.  To think when I got him I was not sure how to even secure the saddle??  I was a very novice horse person and that is good and bad.  I didn't know what I didn't know and boy did I take some risks.  I was lucky in some ways, but I definitely learned from every experience. 

Along with Wizard came several other horses.  Yes, I had to do the "baby thing" and along came "Enchante," a beautiful, well bred Quarter Horse filly (Appendix) who had enough Thoroughbred in her blood line to trace back to Bold Ruler, yup Secretariat's sire.  I got her as a baby, 4 months old and so began my journey with a young horse.  She was sweet and feisty and I was determined to do all the work with her and I did.

She became a project for me during a very tough time in my life and she was my therapy as I worked with her to get her under saddle.  I did everything from the ground with her and was the first person to get on her back.  I taught her to move off my legs and then got some help from a trainer "T" to get her started. 

When she was 3 years old we took her to a Quarter Horse show to show her at halter, which meant that I just had to go in and set her feet up so she stood correct and then have her judged on conformation.  She was perfect in many ways, not a big horse, but striking and very correct.  She won it all in her halter class - Grand Champion!  I still proudly display the trophy they sent me.  I was thrilled and I had the bug.  Not only did she do well in halter, but she won ribbons in riding classes also.  She was talented.

It was through this experience that I met "K&S" who has a stallion that I bred Enchante to shortly after she started her show career.  So began my journey to find the perfect "Paint Horse."  http://www.apha.com/breed/index.html  Yes, they may look like a Quarter Horse with different color patterns, but Paints are their own breed with very specific criteria that allows a horse to be registered as a Paint.  I was totally hooked and so began the beginning of what has brought me to where I am today, but that story deserves it's own post.












One of My First Rides on Enchante





Thursday, March 10, 2011

Goals and Dreams

Having goals and dreams in my opinion are a good thing.  I have always had goals - personal, work, hobby.  It keeps me focused on where I am going.  It suits my need to have something that I am working towards for completion.  I have used various means and methods over the years to track my goals and found just writing them down and keeping a list seems to work best for me.  It is always amazing to look back on it and see how I can just check them off, completed, achieved, done.  It feels so good.

In talking to a friend recently about goals I realized that not everyone is goal oriented.  Some people would just rather let life come at them and bounce with it.  I guess that is OK, but at times those same people may be the ones that wonder why things happen the way the do, instead of having a life guide by which to live and make certain decisions that can be life impacting.  I guess I don't understand this. If you don't want to call them goals then call them dreams - things that you dream of doing one day.  Get some clarity around your dreams,  get specific and commit to them. 

There are great tools available for first timers to goal setting.  "Mind Tools" has a life evaluation guide which can be a great first step in the goal setting process. http://www.mindtools.com/page6.html  Visit their web site for tons of incredible resources.  Additionally, I am a huge fan of creating a "Picture Book or Treasure Map" what ever you want to call it.  Essentially for those visual people you are creating a goal collage of pictures that represent the goals you have set and are working towards.  Cut out pictures from magazines, take pictures, what ever works so that you create that visual picture to focus on.  In using this in the past I found it to be very effective in helping me keep the goals I had set right in front of me and helped me focus and achieve them.

Also, I have found, through trial and error that being very specific about the details of one's goals  can be critical.  You can say "I want to go to Hawaii," but if you don't nail down when, which Islands and then with whom, and outline what you want to do when you get there all you have is a wish.  The specifics of goals can make or break achieving them in a successful manner.  Remember the adage "The Devil is in the Details" well it is true and can make or break the success of your goal setting.  It is the one thing that you did not think was important enough to consider that can cause the most grief.  Be specific.

Today, right now, all my goals have changed.  It is amazing how one life event can have you reevaluate everything.  I am in the process of doing just that.  It is going to take some time since life is very much focused on the goal of rehabilitation as of today.  Sure there are a few other things revolving around, but my everyday is focused on getting stronger, having more balance and healing.  I cannot have another focus since my life going forward depends on my current outcome.  Goals - well I want the big toe and the one next to it on my right foot to bend better and be able to support and balance me so I can walk without the use of a cane.  Will it be perfect?  Maybe not, but both my PT "J" and I believe that it will be better than the doctors say it will.  We are focused, goal oriented women who want more for me than just accepting that "it is what it is and that maybe I won't need to use a cane."  Really Doc?  I guess you don't know me.

Lesson Number 7- Create Goals in your life to help focus, guide, and give you clarity about what is really important.