Being in the hospital for an extended period of time is really no fun as you can imagine. Some of the lighter moments are the only things that really get you through it each day. The hubby loved to pick out my food from the menu they left us each day. As soon as breakfast arrived and the menu was there he would grab the little wood pencil they left and start making "my selections" for the next days meals. Of course, he asked for my input most of the time, but really he picked what "he thought I should have." So, each and every day seemed like a mystery meal for me. Fun?? Well, it was interesting. I had little appetite so I did not really care.
It was when they moved me to the medical floor that they started to get real about next next steps. They want you up and moving - no lying around. No catheter cause you get to use a "bed side commode" which is such a fun thing. When they got me up the first time I realized "girlfriend you are pretty messed up" as I tottled like a little baby , unbalanced, uncoordinated and able to take a few steps with my new "walker." OMG, I am going to have to relearn "A lot!" I may be able to walk, but not like I use to. Here I was getting to learn to use a walker "30 Years" before I had planned on using one.
For those who know me I am a "Go, Go, Person" I don't sit still much and I was always going and doing something. This new reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not even walk the same as I use to. With a SCI (remember my new acronym) my injury was classified as a L2 Asia D which is how they rate and classify injuries. I have what is call an Incomplete SCI which means my spinal cord was damaged, but not severed. What it means in reality to me is that from about my hips down is where I would see the impact of the injury. Yup, they were right.
I have numbness across my lower back, and the sensation if you touch my legs from my thighs down is off, it is just not as sharp as it use to be. I had extreme nerve pain in my feet - imagine when your foot goes to sleep with the tingling and pins and needles and then add pain that feels like fire. My feet were also very swollen so walking on them felt like I was walking on two big fat potatoes on the bottoms of each foot. It was so disconcerting. My right ankle was swollen and it made my right foot tip to the left and it just was not working right. We think not only did I sprain it, but with the SCI I have less movement and range of motion as well as strength in my right leg.
Once the doctors know your diagnosis they are ready to move you forward and have you get better. Rounds start early so if I was going to ask any questions of the doctors about next steps I better be up and with it. Hence I wanted to get off the crazy pain meds as soon as possible so I could think and ask question. On day 3 I was waiting for my ortho docs. I had seen them briefly at one point when I was in ICU, another "Grey's moment," when three of them came in all decked out in their "North Face" athletic jackets, no scrubs for them, and looking every bit of "doctor McDreamy's" - young, athletic and "Wow!" Gotta treasure those moments since hospital life was not exactly thrilling.
So when they came in on rounds next time I was ready, not on the drug pump, just taking the pills and I was going to get all my questions out. Two of them breezed in, different "Ortho Docs," but I am ready. They want to measure my strength in each leg and they do all these pushing, pulling, and resistance tests on each leg. They seem happy with my "over all " leg strength. I tell them about the foot pain and they ask me about rehab. I tell them I want to do "In Patient" cause I know that it will get me off to the best possible start on my rehabilitation. They both like that idea and will be sending down the Rehab Docs to evaluate me. I guess it is not a given. One of them asks about abut the accident, and it turns out he is a polo player. He tells me that he expects I will ride again if I want to based on what he is seeing. Since the hubby is still at "No More Horse Back riding" I figure I won't push it, but hey the Doctor is optimistic. He leaves by saying "of course you were wearing a helmet/" I just smile that little smile that says, "Yeah, right."
So here I am day 3 after a SCI and I still want to ride? It is in your blood when you are a true horse person. You can't stop the feelings that it gives you and the desire to want to ride is such a strong pull that even an injury so extreme as mine cannot keep me from wanting to be back in the saddle.......... Rehab here I come.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
SCI - The Latest Acronym I Get To Learn
OK, so I have a SCI, a Spinal Cord Injury. Yup, might as well say it. Yes, the wonderful doctors at Haborview were able to put me back together, but I was and will remain broken. You may fix the issue, but the injury remains. My spinal column was reduced by 50% at T12 and I had a nick on my spinal cord caused by a bone fragment. All of these have been fixed, but the results are what I am experiencing.
Might as well say it since that is why this post is happening at 1:30 am when I cannot sleep due to the pain. In the hospital it was OK, but at night it is terrible, nights are the worst. I have tried every bed in the house, sitting, standing, walking, just have to keep moving to not notice it. I hope and pray it gets better, but right now it is not good. Yes, I will be real here since that is the only way I know how to be.
My body does not work the same as it did. My right side is now my weaker side. My left is so much stronger. The big toe and the one next to it on my right foot don't move. They are kind of like foreign objects on my body. I keep trying, but they just won't bend. I cannot raise my right root up on my toes on one foot. I can do with both feet, but not on the right. I think I sprained my right ankle when I fell. It keeps swelling up. It did not seem right in the hospital so they x-rayed it and it was not broken.
I have to tell my body what to do now with a SCI, nothing is automatic. Lift your leg to climb the stairs. tighten your muscles in your legs and glutes to walk. Don't swing your hips because that will move your back which we don't want to do right now. The good news is with work things can and do get better. How much remains to be seen.
I work out and do my exercises everyday. I will start PT again next week. Yes, it is hard and yes it is not what I envisioned that I would do, but remember I am tough and I keep at it every day. The pain is hard.
Lesson number 3 - Live Each Day as Though It Were Your Last (I will live by this going forward forever since my last day as the former me was 1/29/11), Good Night!
Might as well say it since that is why this post is happening at 1:30 am when I cannot sleep due to the pain. In the hospital it was OK, but at night it is terrible, nights are the worst. I have tried every bed in the house, sitting, standing, walking, just have to keep moving to not notice it. I hope and pray it gets better, but right now it is not good. Yes, I will be real here since that is the only way I know how to be.
My body does not work the same as it did. My right side is now my weaker side. My left is so much stronger. The big toe and the one next to it on my right foot don't move. They are kind of like foreign objects on my body. I keep trying, but they just won't bend. I cannot raise my right root up on my toes on one foot. I can do with both feet, but not on the right. I think I sprained my right ankle when I fell. It keeps swelling up. It did not seem right in the hospital so they x-rayed it and it was not broken.
I have to tell my body what to do now with a SCI, nothing is automatic. Lift your leg to climb the stairs. tighten your muscles in your legs and glutes to walk. Don't swing your hips because that will move your back which we don't want to do right now. The good news is with work things can and do get better. How much remains to be seen.
I work out and do my exercises everyday. I will start PT again next week. Yes, it is hard and yes it is not what I envisioned that I would do, but remember I am tough and I keep at it every day. The pain is hard.
Lesson number 3 - Live Each Day as Though It Were Your Last (I will live by this going forward forever since my last day as the former me was 1/29/11), Good Night!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Grey's Annatomy For Real
I am a real Grey's Anatomy fan. In fact I credit that show for helping me tolerate blood. Not ER, or St. Elsewhere (remember that one) all of which I have been a fan of off and on over the years. Grey's is my favorite for sure and if I can't watch when it is on I definitely catch up on it with my DVR.
Being in Harborview was my own Grey's Anatomy episode. Day one in the ER after I found out that I could self medicate - gotta love those little buttons, I was ready for anything. I felt pretty good as drugs can do for you when you are sick. My room mate (Yup, have one of those cordoned off rooms with a curtain again), was in way worse shape than me. She had been in a car accident and had a tube down her throat to breathe. I spent most of my two nights in ICU listening her night nurse telling her what happened and why they had her hands tied down - cause she was trying to pull the tube out. Press the little button Michelle and go night, night :)
By day two I was feeling pretty good and before I knew it my room was filled with junior docs and their teacher. Wow, they all had the blue scrubs and white coats they listened intently as my ICU nurse "E" gave them a full report. Some were taking notes, but most were all staring at me and their teacher was reading all the medical terms etc... about my surgery and prognosis. Was it a dream? I am in a Grey's Anatomy episode and that doctor teaching them is Meridith, right? It really was very cool to know that this is how it really works.
I got moved out of ICU pretty quickly, I don't think I was really there 48 hours. Not sick enough, off to medical floor for you. I have always been a bit of a medical junky, with a Mom who is a nurse, a sister who is a pharmacist and two cousins that are doctors. I have always wanted to know how it all worked and what it meant. I am very logical and sequential so medicine works for me. If I could do it over I would have been a vet, a doctor for animals seems easier than one for people. So unfortunately, I understood what was going on most of the time and it also means that you end up knowing a bit too much about your medical condition...........
Being in Harborview was my own Grey's Anatomy episode. Day one in the ER after I found out that I could self medicate - gotta love those little buttons, I was ready for anything. I felt pretty good as drugs can do for you when you are sick. My room mate (Yup, have one of those cordoned off rooms with a curtain again), was in way worse shape than me. She had been in a car accident and had a tube down her throat to breathe. I spent most of my two nights in ICU listening her night nurse telling her what happened and why they had her hands tied down - cause she was trying to pull the tube out. Press the little button Michelle and go night, night :)
By day two I was feeling pretty good and before I knew it my room was filled with junior docs and their teacher. Wow, they all had the blue scrubs and white coats they listened intently as my ICU nurse "E" gave them a full report. Some were taking notes, but most were all staring at me and their teacher was reading all the medical terms etc... about my surgery and prognosis. Was it a dream? I am in a Grey's Anatomy episode and that doctor teaching them is Meridith, right? It really was very cool to know that this is how it really works.
I got moved out of ICU pretty quickly, I don't think I was really there 48 hours. Not sick enough, off to medical floor for you. I have always been a bit of a medical junky, with a Mom who is a nurse, a sister who is a pharmacist and two cousins that are doctors. I have always wanted to know how it all worked and what it meant. I am very logical and sequential so medicine works for me. If I could do it over I would have been a vet, a doctor for animals seems easier than one for people. So unfortunately, I understood what was going on most of the time and it also means that you end up knowing a bit too much about your medical condition...........
Friday, February 18, 2011
Harborview - The Real Seattle Grace/Mercy West
OK, so after the MRI I really only recall someone telling me I would be going to surgery. I think it was the ER doc or one of the Ortho docs. I knew the surgery was for my back, but I still was not fully aware of the extent of my injury. I think that was a good thing. I just dozed off into a morphine induced sleep with little to no awareness, sweet dreams.
I came out of surgery fine, nearly 7 hours later and there were Bob and K waiting for me in recovery. Wow, it seemed like a long surgery I thought, well Duh, they had to fix your spine you silly morphine induced lady. I tell you I think the drugs are a good thing to keep you calm and less apt to focus on the reality, for now....
When they told me they were taking me up to ICU I think it began to sink in that I was pretty messed up. ICU, that is for the really sick people, so why would I be going there I thought? Maybe they just didn't have beds in the other part of the hospital? No, really, that is what I was telling myself when it sunk in, "you just had major surgery and they need to monitor you, silly lady."
OK, so there is a certain order of things in hospitals and ICU is at the top of the food chain. You get one on one nursing attention and monitoring. Yes, they seem to wake you up every 15 minutes to take your vital signs, but the service is top cabin. My nurse "E" was absolutely the best. Spunky, young, and very with it. She was always there for me, think concierge at the best hotel and that is how ICU seemed to work.
Once I was more awake and off the anaesthesia Bob told me what they had to do. Broken vertebrae at T12, repaired with my bone and cadaver bone to recreate the vertebrae that was broken into pieces and then they inserted two metal rods along the spine to effectively fuse the two vertebrae above T12 and the two below to stabilize my spine. Wow, I really did it up good this time! E, showed us pictures on the computer of the MRI before surgery and then after. It was crazy and I hope to get digital copies to share. The before showed my spine completely unconnected and off set, Ugh, and then with the repair I felt much more secure that I was going to walk out of that hospital. Was I? I guess I would find out soon.
It was not until later that night when my Boss, his wife and another VP from work came to visit that Bob slipped in that there was damage to the spinal cord by a bone fragment. OK, hubby, what are you thinking not telling me the whole story and then sharing it at such an opportune (not) time?? He assured me, and the visitors they were able to easily repair it and no spinal fluid had leaked out. Great, so this is how you let me down easy. Thanks Bob. I was going to have to have a talk with him later. Give it to me and let me know it all! I can handle it and after all I am the one who has to deal with it. He assured me that was all, no more surprises and I hoped he was right. I had been so drugged up I really was not comprehending much going into surgery and had to rely on others for those lapses in time.
Later Lulu told me that they knew the status at Providence of my injury, but the ER doc there did not want to tell me. That is why Lulu was able to keep the junior docs from messing me up in the ER at Harborview when they wanted to roll me over.
Really people, I can handle it. I am tough and I knew if from the moment I hit the ground.
I came out of surgery fine, nearly 7 hours later and there were Bob and K waiting for me in recovery. Wow, it seemed like a long surgery I thought, well Duh, they had to fix your spine you silly morphine induced lady. I tell you I think the drugs are a good thing to keep you calm and less apt to focus on the reality, for now....
When they told me they were taking me up to ICU I think it began to sink in that I was pretty messed up. ICU, that is for the really sick people, so why would I be going there I thought? Maybe they just didn't have beds in the other part of the hospital? No, really, that is what I was telling myself when it sunk in, "you just had major surgery and they need to monitor you, silly lady."
OK, so there is a certain order of things in hospitals and ICU is at the top of the food chain. You get one on one nursing attention and monitoring. Yes, they seem to wake you up every 15 minutes to take your vital signs, but the service is top cabin. My nurse "E" was absolutely the best. Spunky, young, and very with it. She was always there for me, think concierge at the best hotel and that is how ICU seemed to work.
Once I was more awake and off the anaesthesia Bob told me what they had to do. Broken vertebrae at T12, repaired with my bone and cadaver bone to recreate the vertebrae that was broken into pieces and then they inserted two metal rods along the spine to effectively fuse the two vertebrae above T12 and the two below to stabilize my spine. Wow, I really did it up good this time! E, showed us pictures on the computer of the MRI before surgery and then after. It was crazy and I hope to get digital copies to share. The before showed my spine completely unconnected and off set, Ugh, and then with the repair I felt much more secure that I was going to walk out of that hospital. Was I? I guess I would find out soon.
It was not until later that night when my Boss, his wife and another VP from work came to visit that Bob slipped in that there was damage to the spinal cord by a bone fragment. OK, hubby, what are you thinking not telling me the whole story and then sharing it at such an opportune (not) time?? He assured me, and the visitors they were able to easily repair it and no spinal fluid had leaked out. Great, so this is how you let me down easy. Thanks Bob. I was going to have to have a talk with him later. Give it to me and let me know it all! I can handle it and after all I am the one who has to deal with it. He assured me that was all, no more surprises and I hoped he was right. I had been so drugged up I really was not comprehending much going into surgery and had to rely on others for those lapses in time.
Later Lulu told me that they knew the status at Providence of my injury, but the ER doc there did not want to tell me. That is why Lulu was able to keep the junior docs from messing me up in the ER at Harborview when they wanted to roll me over.
Really people, I can handle it. I am tough and I knew if from the moment I hit the ground.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Harborview
OK, so who really wants to go to Harborview? If you have lived in Seattle long enough you know a few things - you will meet many characters at a County hospital. But, the real reason to go to Harborview is because they do Trauma better than anyone else around. Grey's Anatomy can't even stand up to them.
The ambulance ride seemed quick from Everett to Seattle and they even turned on the siren which was kind of cool. Being on a back board and unable to see anything except what was straight above me gave me an interesting perspective on the experience to say the least.
For those who have known me over the years this was not my first ambulance ride to a hospital due to a horse riding incident. I think I should take note. It does get a little fuzzy as they continue to give me the pain medication so here is my best recollecting of the events.
I am rolled into a room in the ER and the questions start again. Lulu, my steadfast companion and advocate, is there by my side and then of course I have to sign off that she can be there, sure no problem.
The room is cordoned off with a highly effective sheet drape barricade that makes for absolutely no privacy, but hey you just roll with it. A legion of junior doctors want to roll me over and look at my back to see if there is a wound. Lulu to the rescue as she sends them off - what the heck are you thinking "Look at the info that came down with us from Everett???" The CT scan shows it all! The said they don't trust other hospitals. OK, so off I go to the MRI so they can know what is going on. Don't move me you guys, I have a spinal cord injury!
Of course it would not be Harborview without the requisite crazy person begging for drugs in the draped off area next to me. He was loud, he was rude, and of course the police want to have him shackled down (Lovely). He was not a total bad guy cause once he got the pain meds he came around and apologized for his behavior. What a great place for K (stepdaughter) to be and see at 14, but she was a real trooper.
I cannot thank Lulu enough for being there with me and being my advocate in the hospital. She helped ensure that I would be able to walk out! (Lesson number 2 - if you think you can't advocate for yourself have someone there to do it for you)
The ambulance ride seemed quick from Everett to Seattle and they even turned on the siren which was kind of cool. Being on a back board and unable to see anything except what was straight above me gave me an interesting perspective on the experience to say the least.
For those who have known me over the years this was not my first ambulance ride to a hospital due to a horse riding incident. I think I should take note. It does get a little fuzzy as they continue to give me the pain medication so here is my best recollecting of the events.
I am rolled into a room in the ER and the questions start again. Lulu, my steadfast companion and advocate, is there by my side and then of course I have to sign off that she can be there, sure no problem.
The room is cordoned off with a highly effective sheet drape barricade that makes for absolutely no privacy, but hey you just roll with it. A legion of junior doctors want to roll me over and look at my back to see if there is a wound. Lulu to the rescue as she sends them off - what the heck are you thinking "Look at the info that came down with us from Everett???" The CT scan shows it all! The said they don't trust other hospitals. OK, so off I go to the MRI so they can know what is going on. Don't move me you guys, I have a spinal cord injury!
Of course it would not be Harborview without the requisite crazy person begging for drugs in the draped off area next to me. He was loud, he was rude, and of course the police want to have him shackled down (Lovely). He was not a total bad guy cause once he got the pain meds he came around and apologized for his behavior. What a great place for K (stepdaughter) to be and see at 14, but she was a real trooper.
I cannot thank Lulu enough for being there with me and being my advocate in the hospital. She helped ensure that I would be able to walk out! (Lesson number 2 - if you think you can't advocate for yourself have someone there to do it for you)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Accident Part 2
After the paramedics got me off the arena ground and into the ambulance I asked them to take me to Providence, Everett. Why? Well, because it was close to home and Harborview (The only level 1 Trauma Center serving 4 states - WA, AK, MT, ID) always seems to be where the toughest cases went and of course I didn't need all that right??
I asked Lulu to accompany me in the ambulance and to not leave me because I had no idea when Bob may be able to connect with us. Lulu was a nurse and she would not let anything happen to me (remember be your own advocate), and boy, no one would mess with her when she had your back. I chose well as I would later find out. The paramedics would not let Lulu ride in the back of the ambulance with me ( that only happens in the movies), but she sat up front with the driver and could talk to me through an open window that connected with the back compartment.
Staring at the ceiling of an ambulance strapped to a hard back board is no fun. I started to feel anxious and asked the paramedic if I could hold his hand. He obliged and tried to comfort and distract me. Every bump of the road was excruciating to my back. We got to Providence and the questions started again - what happened, did you hit your head, what is your address...... I could have recited it all in my sleep at this point. Bob and K (my step daughter) arrived in the emergency room and many comments ensued about how much dirt I drug with me from the arena. I was a little embarrassed, but that passed when they said they were going to take me for a CT scan. OK, now we would know what we had going on here.
This is where is starts getting a little fuzzy as they continued to give me pain medication ( morphine) and boy they kept it coming. I had to sign a release to let Lulu stay with us in the ER and to have information about my condition. Boy, they are serious about the privacy info, but I wanted her near by and readily signed away. The next thing I knew after the CT scan they were sending me to Harborview?? Why? I guess I missed that part, but would find out soon. Oh, boy Harborview here we come......
I asked Lulu to accompany me in the ambulance and to not leave me because I had no idea when Bob may be able to connect with us. Lulu was a nurse and she would not let anything happen to me (remember be your own advocate), and boy, no one would mess with her when she had your back. I chose well as I would later find out. The paramedics would not let Lulu ride in the back of the ambulance with me ( that only happens in the movies), but she sat up front with the driver and could talk to me through an open window that connected with the back compartment.
Staring at the ceiling of an ambulance strapped to a hard back board is no fun. I started to feel anxious and asked the paramedic if I could hold his hand. He obliged and tried to comfort and distract me. Every bump of the road was excruciating to my back. We got to Providence and the questions started again - what happened, did you hit your head, what is your address...... I could have recited it all in my sleep at this point. Bob and K (my step daughter) arrived in the emergency room and many comments ensued about how much dirt I drug with me from the arena. I was a little embarrassed, but that passed when they said they were going to take me for a CT scan. OK, now we would know what we had going on here.
This is where is starts getting a little fuzzy as they continued to give me pain medication ( morphine) and boy they kept it coming. I had to sign a release to let Lulu stay with us in the ER and to have information about my condition. Boy, they are serious about the privacy info, but I wanted her near by and readily signed away. The next thing I knew after the CT scan they were sending me to Harborview?? Why? I guess I missed that part, but would find out soon. Oh, boy Harborview here we come......
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Accident Part 1
It really is amazing how you know something is terribly wrong the moment it happens. I knew I was broken and when my legs began to go numb and tingle as I lay there on the arena ground I knew it was my back. I had help and comfort immediately as my trainer-"K" and "Lulu" as well as others were right there. "Can you get up "K" asked?" No, I broke my pelvis or my back, call 911 and someone please get my cell phone so I can call Bob ( the hubby). I knew where my car keys were and I could direct "C" to my car and to get my purse. Bring the purse not just the phone I told her since I knew I would not be coming back to drive home.
It seemed like forever for them to get in touch with Bob and for the paramedics to arrive. I really wasn't in much pain, more scared than anything. I could feel my toes, good sign right? They wanted to put a blanket over me and to prop up my head I didn't want them to do that. Don't move my legs I told them and I was insistent.
Things flash through your mind so quickly and I had to go there - well if I am paralyzed at least I can move my arms, that is better than others. It was done, I couldn't go back, all I could do was go forward.
The paramedics arrived in force. Big burly guys surrounded me. OK, life wasn't all bad that day. They came at me from every direction - starting the pain meds, asking me questions. "Did you hit your head?" "No, I landed on my right hip and back side." I did not lose consciousness, I was alert for every moment.
They wanted to move me and I would not let them roll me or move my legs. I made them get creative to get me off of that arena ground and part of the arena dirt ended up coming with us. They used a back board that was split to scoop me up and wrapped my legs so they would not move. Of course in true medic fashion they wanted to cut off my clothes and once again I held fast - Nope, you can cut off the shirt sleeves, but the pants stay on until we get into the ambulance. Some how it was not that important as they were able to remove all my clothing later at the hospital without further damage to them or me. Lesson Number 1 - Be your own advocate.
It seemed like forever for them to get in touch with Bob and for the paramedics to arrive. I really wasn't in much pain, more scared than anything. I could feel my toes, good sign right? They wanted to put a blanket over me and to prop up my head I didn't want them to do that. Don't move my legs I told them and I was insistent.
Things flash through your mind so quickly and I had to go there - well if I am paralyzed at least I can move my arms, that is better than others. It was done, I couldn't go back, all I could do was go forward.
The paramedics arrived in force. Big burly guys surrounded me. OK, life wasn't all bad that day. They came at me from every direction - starting the pain meds, asking me questions. "Did you hit your head?" "No, I landed on my right hip and back side." I did not lose consciousness, I was alert for every moment.
They wanted to move me and I would not let them roll me or move my legs. I made them get creative to get me off of that arena ground and part of the arena dirt ended up coming with us. They used a back board that was split to scoop me up and wrapped my legs so they would not move. Of course in true medic fashion they wanted to cut off my clothes and once again I held fast - Nope, you can cut off the shirt sleeves, but the pants stay on until we get into the ambulance. Some how it was not that important as they were able to remove all my clothing later at the hospital without further damage to them or me. Lesson Number 1 - Be your own advocate.
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