Goals Revisted...

I know it has been a while, but life is keeping me busy.  If it is not work, it is life itself.  It makes me happy that I can finally enjoy a few simple pleasures after all I have been through this year.  I have recollection of something that I heard Kenny Rogers say in an interview about life - "You need someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to," or some variation.  It always stuck with me because there is some real truth in that.  When life is absent some key elements we feel less than whole.  That is how I have felt for months since my accident.  Not whole and without a true direction.  Sure I had some of the elements, but you need something to look forward to or at least I know I do.

Well, that has gotten so much better in the last few months.  As you may recall we started looking for a house in May and it took some time, but we finally closed last month on a darling place in Avondale, AZ.  I call it my "Sun on Demand" house.  Boy last week when I got my chance to finally see it in person Arizona was in full summer mode.  It was 108 on most days and hot is just hot, not mincing words here.  You know what, I loved it!  The heat felt like a warm blanket surrounding me and made me feel whole.  I forgot about my back and was able to just be me.  I got to swim, but I still cannot do the crawl, just the breast stroke or dog paddle.  My foot still swelled up, but I don't feel the metal in my back when I have the heat.  It was wonderful. 

I love the house!  Yes, we bought it off the Internet, believe it or not and we did pretty good if I can say so.  It needs some TLC, but nothing that is not doable with a little $$$.  Yup, in one weekend I blew my furniture budget on paint - inside and out and flooring.  Oh well, at least it will look good, not sure what we will sleep on though :).  Gotta get the house ready for our big Monsoon Party to celebrate a few things that are milestones for us this year not to mention me being able to amble about.  Looking forward to many years and memories with friends and family at our little piece of sunshine in Arizona.

What is Hope?

I have always been a hopeful person.  I look forward, I plan and I can't wait for the next thing that I am looking forward to.  So when you have hope you really have everything.  My version of hope has changed now.  I still look forward to finally getting our house in Arizona, to an upcoming trip, to the horse show next week, but I also hope for some different things. 

It has been nearly 6 months since my fall off of the horse and that day I hoped I would walk again, which I am doing.  I don't walk quite the same, but I hope one day to not feel like my right leg is like wood and I hope that my right foot will work the same way it did before.  I hope that one day I will forget the metal in my back and just feel like I did before.  I hope that I can live my life as I had planned.  I hope that I don't need more surgery, that my back remains stable, and that my feet stop tingling.  I still hope to ride as I had planned on my dream horse and to accomplish my riding dreams.  Today I remain hopeful. 

Horsey Friends - Great Seeing You!

Wow, last weekend was great.  I decided to give it a try and drove to a paint horse show in Klamath Falls, Oregon for the weekend.  With many stops along the way and time to stretch I made it.  This show was so fun last year I really wanted to make it and enjoy it with my friends.  It was so nice to see so many of those whoI had ridden with last year and hugs go out to "D" and Lulu, both were surprised at my appearance suddenly there in K-Falls. 

I took the new camera and anointed myself the "unofficial" show photographer and many pictures were taken.  I just love this camera and it nearly out smarted me when I had to take video as well as pictures.  Love the fact that some of my horsey friends have changed their face book profile to pictures that I took last weekend.  Thanks L&L for making me feel like this camera will not outsmart me just yet!

The best part of the weekend was watching all my friends do so well with their horses.  Both Lulu and "A" from LPH had great classes and it was wonderful to see the Cali gals with their ponies.  Little "E" nearly brought me to tears showing that fancy boy "Melo" in the 3/4 year old Western Pleasure Triple Crown Futurity.  You go girl -she  placed second across the board against the "big girls," and boy can that little girl ride.

So happy to get to do what I love, if even from the side lines.  You can't take the horse out of the girl.  On to Monroe next weekend which sounds like it is going to be a fantastic show and I can hardly wait.  Giddy Up!

How to Reinvent Your Life?

I have come to the realization that my life has fundamentally changed.  I am not the same person I was just 6 months ago physically and mentally.  Remaining in denial about that has been a bit of a protected place to be, but I need to move out of the space and figure out how I reinvent my life.  We all do it is small ways and some in much larger ways - hey take Madonna, the material girl knows how to transform her life, right ?   So how do you start all over?  I would love thoughts and suggestions as I begin to venture down this path.

I know for starters I need a new hobby - something to do more than I am right now.  I was so accustom to all the physical things I use to do - the boot camp exercise class, pilates, riding none of which I can do now if ever. I kept so busy with my active pursuits that not having them has made life seem so slow in some respects.  I am contemplating exploring photography and am beginning to look at cameras with that in mind.  Maybe I will take a class on photography to help explore that more. 

There are a few things I know I am not going to be doing knitting being one of them:).  I just am not that crafty or artistic to do painting or some pursuit such as that.  It took years for me to find horses and the passion I have for them just grew and grew.  The excitement of spending my time at the barn, riding or getting ready for a show is just too hard to put in to word.  There are few things in life that can really get you jazzed so when you find it you know that you don't want to do anything else but that. 

There is a horse show this weekend in Walla Walla which is one of my favorite places to go to a show.  It is usually warm this time of year and I have always like the arena and grounds as well as the city.  Driving over is long, but taking time for a little wine tasting always breaks up the trip.  A stop off in Prosser one year allowed the hubby and me to find "Johns Port" which to this day is one of the more amazing ports I have ever tasted - Yakima Valley Vineyards.  As I think of Walla Walla and the show this weekend I wish all my fellow paint horse riders  best wishes for a great show and I sit here thinking of you all and wish I were there too.

Wow, it has been a while......

Yes, I have been MIA for about a month now.  I guess sometimes you just need to feel it to want to blog on a regular basis and I have not really been feeling it lately.  I am, if nothing, truly honest.  I saw a dear friend this week for dinner and she said, don't stop so here's to Lulu - I am blogging again honey since you are keeping me honest. 

Loved Arizona last month and am still lamenting that our weather here in dear WA just cannot seem to get it's collective act together.  I felt so darn good in Arizona that I truey believed that this accident never happened.  My back incision (yup I will get graphic) healed finally while I was down there.  By body did not hurt, not one part of it, and I got to sit in the sun and swim everyday.  I cannot swim like I did before, but hey doing the breast stroke and just letting the zero gravity feel of the water take effect was wonderful.

We looked at a bunch of houses and we determined quickly which neighborhoods we liked and which one's we did not.  We made one offer, but it turned out we just missed out being first on that one so we are second in line on that short sale.  I am learning tons about the whole Arizona real estate situation.  We made another offer on a short sale last week and our offer was accepted.  Now, don't get excited here because all that means is that we sit and wait for the owner to be approved to short sale their house and as our realtor says that could be weeks or months.  Keep looking she said!  So, do we have a house or "not?"  I would say not, but "maybe" is the true answer.  So we keep looking.  Both are nice houses and would totally work!

It is so odd to not be riding these days.  I got a beautiful plate in the mail from APHA to celebrate finishing 4th in Zone One for my division about two weeks ago.  It was a total surprise and I rearranged the office to make a space for the many winnings from last year.  It makes me happy to think about the year and to remember the fun and excitement that I so enjoyed.  Wish I was still there doing it, work and all.  Boy do I miss it all......

Now I have More Time

Not doing the horse hobby had afforded me a couple of things - more time and money.  Yes, I notice my check book is much nicer every month and most weekends I have plenty of time to do what ever.  Not sure the hubby appreciates me in his space, but he is being a good sport and I try not to ask for the remote when he is watching his favorite weekend shows.  Sunday morning is especially sacred, not because he is heading to church mind you, but because of the political, wonky shows he loves watching - Meet the Press anyone?

I miss my hobby and yet I have felt so not up to it that I have not even been able to make it to the local shows to watch.  Being off the pain meds you notice ever twinge and the foot swells and hurts every time I walk on it too much.  By the end of the week I need at least one day to recover.  I use to go none stop and now I just feel beat.

Next Sunday we are heading to Arizona to look at houses.  Yup, we are going to buy a retirement home with the prices being so dang great there we just can't pass it up.  With all the rain here I think retirement is going to come sooner verses later.  I love the desert, and its stark., but unique beauty.  I want a yard that is low maintenance and cactus seem so stately and there are so many different kinds.  People ask me, but won't you miss the green of Washington?  No!  I really won't, I will happily trade the over 170 days of rain so far for blue sky's and sun, even if it is 110.  No, problem cause I will go swim in my pool. 

Having this diversion right now is good because as I wait out the recovery process with all of the twists and turns it takes having something else to focus on has kept me sane.  Besides you can ride horses year around in Arizona, right :).

Horses Continued.....

Recently I  have needed to take a break from the horse aspect of my life for a variety of reasons, need I say more.  It has been hard now that my recovery progress has slowed to a halt and I continue to have various issues that I have to work through  I have not wanted to think much about the horse hobby and at times wonder will I ever think of it the same?

Horses are big, animals who at times are not predictable.  Yup, I said it, but that being said there are many who are the antithesis of that very statement.  I have known them and do still know those that are as gentle as puppy dogs and would not hurt a fly.  There are non-horse friends who have said that a horse that hurts someone should be put on a registry some place so that what happened to you does not happen to anyone else.  I have tired to help them understand the very nature of the horse industry is such that it does not support that.  This, they find incredible, and then I step back and have to say maybe they are right. 

In an industry so small why is it that we are not better prepared to take care of each other and not allow bad things to happen to each other?  Why don't we have a way to make sure that others don't get hurt by those horses that are truly dangerous and unpredictable?  Is it because we impart upon these animals characteristics that are more human than animal?  Do we put emotion into owning them that unrealistically supports something that should never be allowed in the first place?  Is it the money?  Yes, this is part of it as there is (was) a great deal of money tied up in the horse industry. Of course who wants to put a horse down or out to pasture when they have allocated years of training and resources to them?  All very valid questions I am sure.

As I live each week day by day I think about who I was and who I will never be again and wonder if with some care and compassion towards mankind I would be in a different place and able to live my life free of pain, active, and as I had been before January 29th, 2011?  I will never know the answer to that, but I can only move forward with my journey and help others with theirs.