Saturday, April 30, 2011

Now The Foot.....

You would think no news is good news because it has been a while since the last post, but no I just have not had anything productive to contribute so I have not felt like writing.  Healing is a process and as I have gone along there continues to be one thing nagging and  it is that darn right foot.  Yes, I still feel like I walk like a wheeble wabble, and I can't find shoes that will work, my arches are falling, and I feel way older than anyone should at my age, but that darn foot just won't get better.

It bothered me in the hospital from day one.  It was bruised and swollen and looked like it had been sprained.  They xrayed when I was in Harborview  and nothing, but it has never been quite right.  I think I wrenched it in the fall.  Maybe it got hung up in the stirrup which I cannot really remember because everything happened so fast.  My current rehab doctor thinks I may have torn a ligament and that is why it keeps causing the foot to swell as I use it more. 

Next week I am getting a MRI and have been referred to a Ortho doctor who specializes in sports injuries.  It sounded really cool and then I realized that is what I have.  It was a dramatic sports injury and boy it could have been way worse, but yes I guess I do fit into that category.  So off I will go to yet another doctors appointment in hopes that they will solve the problems or at least give me some hope.

So most days now my foot swells up.  It is very painful and I can't sleep.  So as I lay awake for yet another night I try all the tricks, reading, TV, etc... and then I give in and take a pain pill which knocks me out.  In some cases I can take the pain pill and it does nothing and then I wrap the foot with my "Back on Track" polo wraps and it usually feels great almost immediately.  Their products are wonderful and not just for horses I tell you.  Check out the website for great horsey and human products.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Back to Mercy Grace and Progress

Ok, so now I see doctors and health care professional more than I see my husband.  No, really, between my physical therapist and my Docs at Harborview and the Spine Clinic I seem to have multiple appointments ever month.  Now I know what it is like to have a "chronic" condition. 

I have been back at work for four weeks and the feet are really feeling it.  Those darn concrete floors are causing my right ankle to swell again.  We have had to up the nerve medicine due to increased nerve pain.  I guess I can say that work is really a pain in my foot!  When I work from home it is not so bad and at least then I can avoid more pain meds.  It is a never ending battle.  The feet, well I am afraid this is my injury legacy.

Return visit to the spine clinic and once again we get more xrays to look at the hardware.  My doc is another "McDreamy, " OMG I thought I was dreaming and really on Grey's Anatomy this time.  I am so glad I had a brand new pedicure as he was manipulating my bad right foot this way and that.  Yes, it is very shallow of me, but heck it is my story right! 

The back is improving and the hardware has not moved.  Gotta wear the brace for a little longer when out in public and at work, but everyone was very happy.  The good news is no back pain even when they had me bend over and then arch backwards to take the xrays.  Yup, I felt like a pretzel, but was amazed there was no pain.  It did feel strange and a little stiff, but it was progress.  

Today I took my first shower in 11 weeks without the brace - It was Amazing!  I had this goofy grin on my face the whole time and will never forget what this part of the recovery has been like.  I have endured having to be confined in this brace all waking hours, had to wear it day in and day out .  I had to put my clothes on and off all while rolling around on my bed each day before I put the brace on.  Yes, I did this for 11 weeks. I hated every moment of it, but in a odd sort of way the brace has become like a safety net and it will be strange to be rid of it all together.

Next week I start more intensive core work to ensure that I am ready to be out in public without the brace.  I love my PT "J" who is also a horse person.  She is really great at what she does and has been very careful and mindful of my therapy.  She has taught me how to walk all over again so that I won't put stress on my spine and the hardware.  She is sure I will ride again and that has been so nice to have someone who understands my dreams. 

Don't Give Up Your Spirit

We all let it happen at times. A little at a time it creeps up on us and before we know it we have allowed something or maybe someone to erode how we are.  It may not happen quickly at first, maybe it is slow and subtle, and before you know it you have let a part of you to be impacted.  Maybe you realize that the shine has been worn off or things just don't seem to get you as jazzed up as they use to and before long you feel your spirit being taken away, bit by bit. 

You can keep it from happening, you do control how you act and react, but yes, it can be hard to not let it happen.  Whether it is just with time, due to life or because of something major that happens in your life you can control letting it happen to you.  Giving in to letting things erode our spirit for life is totally within our control.

Change your view or your venue and make those few little changes that can make a difference.  Phone a friend, plan a trip, evaluate your goals and plans or just read a really good book.  What ever it is make those necessary changes and adjustments to keep your spirit alive and moving you forward everyday.

Lesson number 9:  "It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living." Oliver Wendell Holmes

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Humbling Experience

When you have to ask other people to pick up things you have dropped in a store, when you can't do things that your formally did, when your body does not work like it use to it can be a very humbling experience.  I never thought those things would describe me or my experiences, but they do.  Because they do I have found a very different way of Being. 

In my past life I was very independent and I still have that in my spirit, but now I am truly forced into a very different way of being me.  In recently spending time with a person at work who also had a "Life Altering" accident I have found that what I am feeling is very valid.  Sometimes you wonder.  I have no reference points, my gosh I had never been over night in a hospital before this.

How will this affect me  I wonder?  Will I always feel different or will it slowly go away?  I know now that some things physically will always be there and silly me thought that they would put me back together and I would just get up and walk out of there.  Naive is how I choose to look at it, but those who know me would say naive I am not. Maybe I was just trying to be optimistic or hopeful.

So the new me is slower and more deliberate.  I am definitely more aware and compassionate towards others who may be in the same place that I am.  I guess what that means is my ability to display empathy  has been made more clearly available.  I feel more calm and patient because why sweat it? I have had to wait 12 weeks to no longer be contained in this brace so I can wait for anything, right!  There are other things more important in life than those things I had thought were important before.  My focus has been forever changed.  So what is really important in this life I am living?  Well, I am still working that out, but I can assure you that what was before is not going forward...........

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Universe is Random - or is it?

I have often wondered why this happened to me?  Ok, so who wouldn't have that thought given similar circumstances?  Maybe it will never truly be revealed to me, or maybe things don't happen for a reason?  I have always lived by the thought that nothing is ever really random, but is that true?  If it is why do bad things happen to good people?  I don't have the answer to that, but based on experience I can just speculate.

When I contemplated that question I believe that It can be so that we are able to learn from it?  It can be because that  is how things are destined to be?  It can be because...... It can be for so many reasons that I am wondering why I even decided to do this post.  Or, is it because the universe is really that random?  I would hope not.

 I think that even after all that this accident has put me through I would choose to determine it being random is not true.  The universe cannot be that random can it?  I know there is a lesson for me in all of this. I don't know what that lesson is just yet.   I hope to one day be able to determine with certainly and to definitively say what it is or it is not, but right now I am still very confused. 

What I do know it that today I was a better person.   Today, I found empathy and compassion for my fellow man.  Today, I was all that I could hope for in my job and what I get to do to earn my keep on this universe and for that and that alone I am OK with where I am..............because of my experience today.